


May the rain wash away your pain and rinse your blood clean

by iblamekenny



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, City of Light (The 100), F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 10:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6901969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iblamekenny/pseuds/iblamekenny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A.L.I.E. is defeated but victory comes with a price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May the rain wash away your pain and rinse your blood clean

**Author's Note:**

> This is me writing at 3 A.M. because this story came into my mind while I'm anxiously waiting for the season 3 finale. (I do not own any of the characters or the TV show or the original story)

It was over. A.L.I.E. was defeated and the City of Light was gone. Thanks to Raven’s brilliant mind they had managed to save some, but not nearly all, of those who had taken the chip. Jasper, Jackson, Emori, Jaha and Kane was all saved and healthy, but Abby, Mrs. Green and many, many others were not. They died along with A.L.I.E.  
Taking the chip had not been an easy decision for Clarke; it had been an anxious one because _what if I don’t manage to save everyone_ and _what if I don’t manage to stay conscious under A.L.I.E.’s command_. Sure, she had managed to break free from the berries that caused everyone to hallucinate. But this was completely different; this would be much, much harder. Someone who was even more against it was Bellamy. Clarke wasn’t surprised, with them finally getting together. It had been like coming home to a place she didn’t know she had but so desperately needed. They had both lost their loves and it still hurt, but they had found comfort and new love in each other that they had craved since the start and when their lips finally met after having saved each other from people under A.L.I.E.’s command. It felt like their lives finally had purpose again, like they were put here on the ground for a bigger cause other than just survive; they were put here because they were destined to know each other, and they were meant to be together and be a team. He was the heart and she was the head; without one the other was lost and Clarke knew that she didn’t want to live without her heart, and one look at him told her he felt the same.  
So naturally he was angry, so very angry, when she brought it up. He said _no way in hell_ and _you’re crazy_ and _I’m not letting you do that_. But it wasn’t really a choice; Luna had said no, Ontari was brain dead and there was no other nightblood left. Clarke was all they had, their only hope. Clarke had looked at him, seeing the pain in his eyes and taken his hands in hers, saying: _I have to. For my mom_. Bellamy, if anyone, knew how painful it was to lose a parent and this made him give in, unwillingly so. He had been by her side the whole time, a crease between his eyebrows showing his worry but without speaking. Clarke had held the chip in her hand, staring down at its blue shade and infinity sign, then up at Bellamy’s face, freckled as if scattered with stardust, and then into his brown eyes, finding the courage and comfort she needed. _I promise I will come back_. She had said before putting it between her lips, swallowing it down and next she had found herself in the City of Light.  
Things had not gone as planned, not entirely. To kill A.L.I.E. she had been forced to do a lot of sacrificing and on the way many things went wrong. While killing A.L.I.E. and deleting her entire program, she had also deleted some of the memories of herself and some others, since the chip was connected to the brain and its purpose was to take away all of the pain and all of the painful memories. It seemed that those whose memories were deleted were those who had suffered from more severe agonies. It was really no surprise that Clarke was one of them, with what she had been through.

Waking up, seated on a chair, Bellamy still next to her, looking sick with worry, Clarke was confused. He was holding her hand tightly and his concerned facial expression was replaced with relief once he saw her eyes open.

“Clarke.” He said, his voice filled with such emotion that it almost broke Clarke’s heart. He threw his arms around her and hugged her so tightly, having she not forgotten all of the things that destroyed her, it probably would have put all her broken pieces together. “You came back.” He said, pulling away, his eyes particularly shiny.

Clarke just stared at him in confusion. Since when did Bellamy worry so much about her? Last time she checked he didn’t exactly like her. “Yeah… I did.”

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her. Clarke’s eyes widened and she quickly moved away. “What the hell, Bellamy?” She frowned.

He furrowed his brows, looking incredibly puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

“Why are you trying to kiss me? Why did you hold my hand? What’s going on? I-I’m with… Finn…” She got up from the chair and ran a hand through her hair.

Bellamy’s face revolved from confusion to understanding. His expression hardened somehow, as if someone sucked the joy right out of him and left him like an empty shell. “You don’t remember.” It came out like a weak whisper, not strong and powerful, like she knew his voice.

“Remember what?” She shook her head and looked around in the Polis tower. “Where are we?”

“Finn is dead, Clarke. You killed him.” He said, gaze burning like fire.

“What? Why would I kill him?” She felt dizzy, and it was making her nauseous.

Bellamy couldn’t look at her. “Because he lost his mind and killed a whole grounder village. It was a mercy kill… the grounders would have tortured him to death.”

Looking up at her, Clarke’s eyes burned with tears. “No. You’re lying.”

“I’m not. I… I can’t do this right now.” He said, turning around and walking out of the room, leaving her alone. He couldn’t see her cry, not over him, not over anything. He felt so empty as the fresh air hit him, cool but not cool enough for him to notice. All he could feel was the ache in his chest and the sick feeling in his stomach. He walked amongst dead bodies as rain started to fall from the dark sky, turning into a red color as it mixed with the blood from the corpses. It was empty, quiet and lonely. He broke into a run. He needed to get away from this, from the bodies, from the blood and the misery; he couldn’t bear looking at any of it. He ran as quickly and as far as his legs could carry him, but he was tired, and his heart felt so heavy inside his chest that after a few minutes he couldn’t keep himself upright anymore. He was inside the forest, trees surrounding him. Anger was boiling inside him and without a second thought he punched at the trees, making his knuckles bleed but he couldn’t care less. He kept punching until his fists hurt so bad he was unable to go on and until he got too tired to continue. He fell down onto the wet ground into a seated position, resting his back against the tree he had just punched. His eyes were burning with either rain or tears, most likely both. His hands were shaking, so was his whole body. His breathing was irregular and the pain unbearable; he couldn’t lose another person. He couldn’t. She was all he had left. His mother had died before his own eyes, Gina had been killed, Octavia still loathed him and now Clarke couldn’t remember him, only the version of himself he had been when they first arrived on the ground, and that wasn’t him. She didn’t know him, not at all. A sob escaped his lips, and he buried his face in his hands, not even trying to hold back his tears. He cried for the first time in years. He hadn’t cried since his mother died and that was a long time ago. He wondered if it was physically possible to die from hurting so much, because if it was, he wanted to. He didn’t want a life where everyone he loved was either dead or hating him, he didn’t see a point anymore. Ever since he arrived on the ground all he’d seen was death, blood and hatred. The little love he had managed to keep had always slipped right out of his hands or been used as a way to break him. Well, he was broken all right. They didn’t need him anymore, the war was won. He stared up at the pitch-black sky, with several stars in it, raindrops falling onto his face.

“Why?” He asked, surprised by how broken and desperate he sounded. It was ridiculous, expecting answers from a sky. He shook his head, staring at his bleeding knuckles and secretly hoping that no one would find him.

He didn’t know how many minutes went by, but by the time he heard footsteps approaching he was completely soaked through and freezing cold. The sound made him alert and he quickly stood up, despite his body aching. He reached for his gun. “Who’s there?!” He demanded, forcing his voice to be solid.

A blonde woman emerged from the trees, dressed in a leather jacket and also completely soaked through, her hair sticking to her face. It was unmistakingly Clarke. He lowered his gun. “Clarke?”

She moved a branch away so she could walk up to him. “Yeah.” She said, shivering noticeably as she got closer.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked, not realizing how far he must have run for her to get this wet on her way here.

“Looking for you.” She said, her arms wrapped around herself.

He just looked at her, not knowing what to do. “I… I would offer you my jacket but it’s soaked.”

She smiled softly. “It’s fine.”

“Okay…” He wiped at his face, as if she would be able to notice what was rain and what was tears.

“I talked to Raven.” She said, biting her lip. “She… explained a lot of things.”

Bellamy didn’t know what to say, he just kept staring.

“Like… that you weren’t lying about Finn and why we’re here and what happened. Apparently I lost my memory in ‘the City of Light’.” She said, making quotation marks with her fingers.

He just nodded, his gaze dropping to the ground.

“I don’t remember any of it.” She sounded emotional, as if on the verge of tears. “It feels… unreal. Like someone telling a story, a really horrible story. I didn’t want to believe her but there’s evidence everywhere so I… I have to.” She became quiet for a moment before continuing. “I lost my mom.”

At this Bellamy looked up at her. “I know.” He said. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and he was sure tears were falling from her blue eyes, but the rain made it hard to tell. “She told me… about us.”

Bellamy’s heart made another painful throb and once again he couldn’t look at her.

“Bellamy I really don’t remember.” She took another few steps and was now right in front of him. “I want to, but I don’t. It feels so strange and I’m so confused and I… I can see that I’m hurting you and I don’t want to do that.” She shook her head several more times.

He dared a peek at her and she looked so sad and just as broken as he felt. Bellamy Blake; the guy who always knew what to say, had no idea how to respond to anything she said. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t hurt because it would be useless since she had walked in on him in his most vulnerable state.

“All I know, right now, is that I need someone and no hug I’ve received so far has felt as comforting or as right as yours. I may not be able to give you everything right now, but maybe we can try and get through this together and… maybe find our way back because I need you, Bellamy.” She admitted, wrapping her arms around herself once more.

Hearing her say those words caused a form of relief to wash over him. He let out a shaky breath and nodded, taking the last step forward to close the distance between them and wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. She immediately hugged him back, burying her face in his shoulder and holding onto him for dear life. And in that moment, even though the rain was still pouring down and they were freezing cold, Bellamy felt hope make its way into his heart because _maybe, just maybe, they would be alright._


End file.
